What the answers mean
- Love
- You really want this and would be excited to do it.
- Like
- You enjoy it and would happily do it.
- Okay
- Fine with you, often because a partner enjoys it.
- Curious
- You haven't tried it, or not much, and would like to try or talk about it.
- Not sure
- You don't know yet, or it depends on the person, the mood or the details.
- No
- A limit. Don't do it, and don't push or ask again without good reason.
Many items have two columns, like Giving and Receiving or Dominant and Submissive. Answer each side on its own: you can love one side and say no to the other. An empty answer just means you haven't answered yet.
Terms
172 terms
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- 24/7 / total power exchange (TPE)
- The dominant has authority over most or all of the submissive's life, usually 24/7; either can still end it
- 69
- Oral sex on each other at the same time
A
- Aftercare
- Time to reconnect and wind down after a scene
- Ambush play
- Being "taken" by surprise at a time agreed on in general but not exactly
- Anal training
- Gradually stretching with larger plugs or toys over time
- Armbinder
- A single sleeve that holds both arms together behind the back
B
- Ballbusting
- Hitting or kicking the testicles
- Balloons
- Arousal from balloons: playing with, inflating or popping them ("looners")
- Barriers and safer-sex practices
- Condoms, dental dams, gloves and regular testing
- Bastinado
- Striking the bare soles of the feet with a cane, rod or strap
- Being made to cry
- Crying as an emotional release during intense play
- Bimbofication
- Fantasy of being turned into a sexualized, airheaded "bimbo"
- Bit gag
- A bar held between the teeth, like a horse's bit
- Bondage mitts
- Padded mittens that stop you using your fingers
- Branding
- Permanent burn marks
- Brats and brat taming
- A submissive who playfully misbehaves to provoke a reaction, and a "brat tamer" who puts a stop to it
- Breast sex
- Penis between the breasts
- Breath play
- Restricting breathing or blood flow to the brain for arousal; can kill even when done carefully
C
- Cage / confinement
- Being kept in a cage or small enclosed space
- Canes
- A thin, flexible rod, usually rattan; very stingy and leaves marks easily
- Care for drop
- Support for the crash that can follow intense play for hours or days; tops get it too ("sub drop" / "top drop")
- Catheters
- A thin tube into the bladder through the urethra; needs sterile kit and training
- Chastity devices
- A cage or belt that blocks touching or erections
- Choking / neck pressure
- Pressure on the neck that cuts off blood or air; can cause blackouts and death, with no fully safe way to do it
- Cock and ball torture (CBT)
- Painful play on the penis and testicles
- Cock rings
- A ring worn at the base of the penis to keep it firm; take it off within 20–30 minutes
- Collars
- A collar as a symbol of the relationship
- Compliments about your body
- Kind words about how you look; Praise in Power exchange is about obedience
- Consensual non-consent (CNC)
- Agreeing in advance that one person may play at refusing, or that play goes on despite protests; a real safeword stays in place
- Control over daily life
- Rules about things like bedtime, food or schedule
- Corner time
- Standing in a corner as a punishment
- Countdowns
- Being counted down to orgasm
- Creampie
- Ejaculating inside the vagina or anus
- Crossdressing
- Wearing clothes usually made for another gender
- Cuckolding / cuckqueaning
- Getting off on your partner having sex with someone else, often with humiliation; a cuckquean is the female version
- Cuffs (leather or metal)
- Metal handcuffs can hurt wrists and nerves; leather is safer for struggling
- Cupping
- Suction cups that pull up the skin
- Cutting
- Making shallow cuts for play
D
- Day collar
- A discreet collar or jewellery that can be worn in public
- Deepthroating
- Taking a penis or toy deep into the throat
- Desperation / omorashi
- Arousal from a full bladder or wetting yourself, or from watching someone else; may include a partner controlling toilet trips
- Dominance and submission (D/s)
- One person takes control and the other gives it up, by agreement
- Double penetration
- Two things inside at once, vaginally and anally or both in one
- Dungeons / BDSM clubs
- Venues with equipment for play, usually with rules and monitors
E
- Edging
- Getting close to orgasm again and again without going over
- Electrostim (TENS / e-stim)
- Electrical stimulation of the body or genitals with a device made for it; never across the chest or with a pacemaker
- Enemas
- Flushing water into the rectum
- Erotic humiliation
- Embarrassment or shame that both people find arousing
- Erotic hypnosis
- Using trance and suggestion as part of play
F
- Face-fucking
- The giving partner controls the pace and depth of oral sex
- Fear play
- Playing with fear, like a pretend threat or darkness
- Feminization
- Being made more feminine, through clothes, makeup or behaviour
- Figging
- A peeled piece of ginger root inserted anally; the burn builds after a minute and lasts around 20 minutes
- Financial domination (findom)
- Sending money or gifts to a dominant as submission, often online; set a budget, as scams are common
- Fire play
- Flame on or just above the skin, like a lit wand or alcohol lit and put out in seconds; needs training and a fire kit
- Floggers
- A handle with many tails; heavy ones feel thuddy, thin ones stingy
- Food play
- Using food like whipped cream, chocolate or fruit on the body
- Forced feminization
- Feminization as part of a power or humiliation dynamic
- Forced orgasms
- Being made to orgasm repeatedly while unable to stop it
- Forced sex roleplay
- A fantasy of forced sex, played out with full consent agreed beforehand
- Foursome / partner swap
- Two couples together, or swapping partners
- Free use
- Agreeing to be available for sex whenever the partner wants, within agreed limits
- Funishment
- A "punishment" both people actually enjoy
- Furries
- Fans of anthropomorphic animal characters, some in costumes called fursuits; about the characters, not real animals
G
- Gangbang (being the centre)
- Several people taking turns with one person
- Glass or metal toys
- Smooth, body-safe toys that also hold heat or cold well
- Glory hole
- Sex through a hole in a wall or partition with a partner you can't see
- Grinding / frottage
- Rubbing bodies together for pleasure without penetration
- Gun play
- Unloaded or replica guns as props
H
- Heat rubs / menthol
- Products like Tiger Balm or Deep Heat on skin
- Hogtie
- Wrists and ankles tied together behind the back
- Hotwifing / stag & vixen
- One partner sleeps with others while the other enjoys it, usually without humiliation
- Human furniture
- Being used as a footstool, table or similar
I
- Ice and temperature play
- Cold things, warm things, or both
- Impregnation / breeding fantasy
- Fantasy or talk about getting someone pregnant
- Inflation fantasy
- Inflating, or pretending to inflate, part of the body, mostly as fantasy
- Inspection
- Having the body examined like property
J
- Jerk-off instructions (JOI)
- Being told exactly how and when to touch yourself
K
- Keyholding
- One person holds the key to the other's chastity device
- Knife play
- Using a blade for the feel and the fear, usually without cutting
L
- Lactation
- Play involving breast milk
- Long-distance control
- Orders, check-ins and tasks over text or video
- Long-term bondage
- Staying tied up for hours
M
- Mantras / repeating phrases
- Saying set phrases over and over
- Master / slave (M/s) and ownership
- An ongoing dynamic built on ownership and obedience
- Medical exams
- Doctor or nurse roleplay with gloves, instruments and an examination
- Mind games / mindfucks
- Tricking or confusing someone as part of play, like a fake-out
- Mummification
- Being wrapped head to toe in plastic wrap, tape or bags so you can't move; keep the nose and mouth clear and safety shears close
- Munches
- Casual social meetups for kinky people at a café, pub or restaurant; most have no play at all
- Muscle worship
- Admiring and touching a muscular body
N
- Needle play
- Sterile single-use needles passed through the skin, then removed; also called play piercing
- Negotiating scenes in advance
- Agreeing on what will and won't happen before you start
- Non-verbal safe signal
- A way to stop when you can't speak, like dropping a held object or tapping out
- Nurturing / protective dominance
- Gentle, caring control with no age roleplay
O
- Objectification
- Being treated as an object rather than a person
- One clothed, one naked
- One partner stays dressed while the other is naked (CFNM / CMNF)
- Open relationship
- A relationship where sex with others is allowed
- Over the knee (OTK)
- Spanking with the receiver lying across the giver's lap
P
- Pegging
- Penetrating someone anally with a strap-on; coined for a woman doing it to a man, now used for any genders
- Pet play
- Adults roleplaying as an animal, like a puppy or kitten, with a handler or owner; about the role, not real animals
- Places you could get caught
- Check local laws: public sex is illegal in many places
- Play parties
- Private events where people play in front of others
- Playing sober only
- No alcohol or drugs before or during play
- Polyamory
- Having more than one loving or romantic relationship at once, with everyone's knowledge
- Pony play
- Roleplaying as a pony: harness, bit, prancing, sometimes pulling a cart
- Position training
- Learning set poses to take on command
- Post-orgasm torment
- Stimulation that continues after orgasm, when it's very sensitive
- Posture collar
- A tall, stiff collar that keeps the head up
- Praise
- Being told you did well, like "good girl" or "good boy"
- Predicament bondage
- A tie that forces a no-win choice: hold a tiring position, or move and cause another discomfort
- Primal play
- Instinctive, mostly wordless play: growling, wrestling, chasing, biting
- Punching / thuddy impact
- Heavy, deep blows with fists to well-padded areas
R
- Remote or app-controlled toys
- Including control over long distance
- Riding crops
- A short, stiff rod with a leather flap at the tip
- Rimming
- Licking or kissing the anus; also called analingus
- Ring / open-mouth gag
- Holds the mouth open
- Rituals
- Set routines, like greeting the dominant in a particular way
- Robot / doll roleplay
- Acting like a programmable doll or robot
- Rope
- Rope ties of any kind, decorative or restrictive
- Rope suspension
- Being lifted partly or fully off the ground in rope; needs real training
- Ruined orgasms
- Stopping stimulation right as orgasm starts
S
- Scarification
- Deliberate permanent scars
- Scat
- Play with feces; carries real infection risks
- Scent play
- Enjoying a partner's natural smell, worn clothes and so on
- Self-bondage
- Tying yourself up alone; riskier, so always have a reliable way out and tell someone
- Sensory deprivation
- Taking away sight, sound or touch (blindfolds, earplugs, headphones, hoods) to heighten what's left
- Service / domestic servitude
- Doing things for the dominant, like chores, cooking or massage
- Sex furniture
- Wedges, swings, benches and similar
- Sex machine
- A motorised machine that thrusts a dildo
- Sex without barriers
- No condoms or dams; best with recent tests and a clear agreement
- Shibari / kinbaku
- Japanese-style rope bondage, often as much about the process as the result
- Single-tail whips
- A single-lash whip; hard to aim and can cut skin, so it takes a lot of practice
- Sissification
- Forced feminization with "sissy" used as a humiliating label
- Size humiliation (SPH)
- Erotic humiliation about penis size
- Size play
- Fantasy about giant people (macrophilia) or tiny ones (microphilia)
- Sleep play / somnophilia
- Sexual touch while a partner is asleep, only with their clear agreement given beforehand
- Sleepsack / bodybag
- A full-body bag that encloses everything except the head
- Smoking fetish
- Arousal from watching someone smoke
- Smothering
- Covering the mouth and nose with a hand, body or face-sitting; same risks as breath play
- Snowballing / cum swapping
- Passing semen from mouth to mouth, usually while kissing
- Sounding
- Inserting smooth, sterile metal or silicone rods into the urethra; risk of tears and infections
- Spanking
- With a hand
- Speaking rules
- Only speaking when spoken to, or set ways of answering
- Speculum
- A medical tool that holds the vagina or anus open
- Spreader bars
- A rigid bar that keeps the ankles or wrists apart
- Squirting
- Fluid released from the urethra during arousal or orgasm
- Strap-on sex
- A dildo worn in a harness
- Straps / tawse
- A leather strap; a tawse is split into tails at the end
- Strokers / masturbation sleeves
- Soft sleeves for stroking a penis
- Suction / air-pulse toys
- Clitoral toys that use pulses of air
- Swinging
- Singles or couples having sex with others for fun, often swapping partners; also called "the lifestyle"
T
- Tentacles
- Tentacle creature fantasy, mostly from art and anime
- Titles / honorifics
- Like Sir, Miss, Master, Mistress
- Traffic-light check-ins
- Green means keep going, yellow means slow down, red means stop
- Trampling
- Being walked or stood on
- Tribbing / scissoring
- Rubbing the vulva against a partner's vulva or body; scissoring is one position
- Trigger words
- A word that sets off a trained response, usually set up through hypnosis
V
- Vacuum bed
- A latex sheet in a frame with the air sucked out, holding you still; breathe through a tube, never left alone
- Vaginal fisting
- Gradually inserting a whole hand
- Violet wand
- A high-voltage, low-current device with glass or metal tips that gives sharp, sparking sensations
- Vore
- Fantasy of swallowing someone, or being swallowed, whole
- Vulva / clit torture
- Painful play on the vulva, like slapping or clamps
W
- Wand vibrator
- A large, powerful plug-in or rechargeable vibrator
- Wartenberg wheel
- A steel wheel of sharp pins rolled over skin; originally a doctor's nerve-testing tool
- Watersports / golden showers
- Peeing on someone or being peed on
- Wax play
- Low-temperature candle wax
- Wet and messy (WAM) / sploshing
- Getting covered in food, mud, water, slime or paint
- Writing lines
- Writing the same sentence over and over
- Writing on the body
- Words or marks on skin in pen or lipstick
- Written agreement / contract
- A written list of roles, rules and limits, agreed by everyone involved
Z
- Zentai
- A skin-tight suit covering the whole body, face included; also called a morphsuit
- Zipper
- A line of clothespins on a string, all pulled off in one go
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